Babies shouldn't cry for food and then cry more when given it.

Pediatricians should listen to mothers....we aren't as crazy as we seem.

I have twice said Aeva has a milk allergy...once in the hospital, and again with her pediatrician. Both times I was given a "no" without further exploration.

Rather than being concerned with how many patients they can see in a day, pediatricians should listen to mothers and be advocates for the children. Referrals should be done BEFORE they come life threatening. Practicing medicine should be preemptive, and not reactionary.

Aeva has been throwing up since she was 2 months old. At this point, her esophagus needs examining to determine the amount of damage that has been done. Her reflux has to be controlled, as well as the associated pain. When it doesn't hurt to eat, I'm sure that Aeva will begin to eat better.

Supposedly, there is no need for referrals for specialties when an infant is still growing. A 4 month old infant should be eating about 6-7 ounces 4-5 times a day. Aeva gets what she needs into her because she is fed 8-10 times a day. STILL. OF COURSE SHE IS STILL GROWING.

She needs another suck/swallow exam to make sure that she is not aspirating. If she still is, then WHY didn't the pediatrician hear it in her lungs, and we will have to thicken her formula. First, her reflux must be controlled.

Then there's the suspected milk allergy. Great. There is a formula that is hypoallergenic, and is for those who have difficulties with both cow's milk and soy protiens. It is delicate and much easier on the baby. Awesome. $30 per 12 ounce can, and she goes through about 14 a month. Sweet deal.

I just want it fixed. There is only so long that a mommy can watch her baby hurt and not eat. There's only so long that a mommy can survive. I like to think that only the best mothers are given the hardest tasks, but I'm not a phenominal mother, so I don't think I'd be picked.

There are days where I just want to cry because I can't handle this anymore and I just want it to be all fixed..but then I remember that she's come so far and she needs me to be strong and get her the help she needs. Then there are the times when she's asleep...so peaceful, so beautiful...so small, and so innocent...I want to protect her from the world's evils and make everything okay...I'm mommy and that's my job...and I feel absolutely terrible that she's been put through so much already in her life...she shouldn't have had to go through all this...I don't know how the conversation will go when I tell her about her birth and infancy...I know I will need a box of tissues, and I hope she understands that despite my frustration and meltdowns, I really tried. I dred the day I have to tell her that she very well may go through this herself if she decides to have kids. She has a chance of having a preemie herself...(maybe pictures of a 2lb baby will defer her from sexual activities? birth control?!) I still feel miserable that I couldn't give her the home she needed inside of me so that she could mature how she needed. There's still a part of me that thinks...knows...this is my fault. (But yes, I know, it's not...blah blah blah).

And then there's that moment when the compliancy with the bullshit of her doctors fades away, and impatience emerges...let's get this done, because no one involved wants to deal with this further.

Oh, and I totally stole the cigarettes of the smoking neighbors last night.

And I'm chopping off my hair tomorrow. Adios.

"Mommy Bloggers" and The Rest of Us

There was this article on cnn. com about "Mommy Bloggers" and whether or not they can be trusted. (http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/10/mommy.bloggers.ethics/index.html)

"Veteran Moms" think they know best, and they seem to think that new moms do not have any good advice for fellow new mothers. I call bullshit.

First of all, research has changed since our mothers became mothers, and the findings have resulted in new advice for new mothers. For example, my mother started us kids on cereal at around 3 months. Pediatricians say now to wait until ATLEAST 4 months, but prefer maybe 5 months or so. Being in the hospital for so long with Aeva taught Anthony and I lots of things that a baby care class or veteran mom wouldn't necessarily be able to teach us.

Do veteran moms warn younger mothers of signs of dehydration? Nope. Think about it: Do you know what they are?

Answer: As long as the infant's soft spot is not sunken in (you'll know), the skin doesn't tent (when you pinch it, does it stay up, or go right back down?), the baby makes 6-8 wet diapers a day, and the baby isn't lethargic (you'll know the different behavioral patterns), the baby is fine.

What about that putting vaseline on the baby's tushy will help prevent diaper rash? The vaseline keeps the moisture away from the butt, thus preventing rash. Awesome. Aeva is 6 months old, and has only had ONE diaper rash, and it was in the hospital. No rashes on my watch.

What veteran mom told us that? NONE OF THEM. The nurses did.

Veteran moms have good ideas, but let's face it, things have changed. When we hear what they "advise," a grain of salt and some modernization needs to be added.

As for these mommy sites, they suck. Momversation.com, TheMommyBlog.com, etc., are all reiterations of what news sites report, as well as what baby websites, like babycenter.com, say. They regurgiate information about breastfeeding, drowning, introducing solids, labor, etc. that other sites say. Do we really need 800 websites of the SAME THING?! Nope.

The Mommy blog sites also neglect mothers of premature infants. Babycenter.com and others, do not. Why do these Mommy Blogs neglect the hardest type of baby to care for? Term babies are not rocket science to care for. Have you ever fed a baby with a bottle aversion? A mother with a baby like that cannot just sit in front of the TV and feed her baby. Feeding now has become an artform.

Do these blog sites have mothers blog about preterm labor, pregnancy complications, post partum depression, or premature infants? Nope. Mothers interested in learning about, or having to deal with the above mentioned, must Google information for themselves.

If I only know how to get one going, as well as popular, I'd manage the blog site for mothers of Premature infants. There are mothers young and old out there who need to know about the genetic predispositions for prematurity and other complications, as well as signs of premature labor and whatnot.

Also, it seems to me that these "mothers" who run these sites are young, stay at home mothers, with nothing better to do. Since WHEN does a stay at home mom have NOTHING to do? I don't have anough hours in the day, between ONE graduate course, a PREEMIE baby, appointments, errands, and, oh yeah, HOUSEWORK. What's this "Alone time" or "me time" I keep hearing about? lol

Regardless of the stresses and bustle of each day, staying home with our baby is worth every single second. Besides, during burp sessions, I get to sit and blog about stupid annoyances.

Any other problemes are nothing that either a Xanax or an episode of Hannah Montana can't fix. LOL

Eating Disorder

Okay, so I was thinking I was going to have to deal with the typical teenage girl eating debacle when Aeva was older, but not know.

Aeva decided right before we left for the wedding that she was not going to. Well, at least make it a struggle to feed her. So I went with it. We changed positions, and it worked. Then she kept doing it while in New Jersey: perhaps she was unhappy in unfamiliar surroundings. When we came home, so continued not to eat. On and off, she would eat normally. She never showed any signs of dehydration, so I was not worried.

On July 14, the doctor said she'd grow out of it, and perhaps it was just a fluke. On August 4, her weight showed that she had only gained 12 ounces in 21 days. That's not good at all. That is suboptimal growth, and not a good sign. She needs to eat.

At her 6 month NICU developmental follow up, the neonatologist said that her growth was satisfactory, and for her "adjusted age" (3 months and 3 weeks) she was in the 10th percentile, which is amazing. She will not be up in the higher percentiles until about age 2, so 10 is perfect for now. They couldn't see the variations from appointment to appointment, but her growth from birth, to discharge, to that day, was fine.

The speech pathologist saw her, and saw her reaction to the presentation of a bottle. It only took her getting into position for her to be scared. She is relating eating to the pain of throwing up.

When she was in the hospital, they did all the tests looking for reflux, and none of them showed that she ever did. They said that that only meant that she wasn't refluxing at THAT moment.

Okaaay....so now what?

Each nurse practitioner said theat their babies also had reflux, or they knew of a baby, and that she'd just grow out of it. "She's just a puker." And oh, by the way, persisitent puking can erode her esophagus. Super.

It has come to that point. Her throat is raw from throwing up, and she doesnt want to eat because she knows it hurts. Great.

The medicine she needs is an acid pump blocker, which is only in clinical trials, and is an under the table prescription. The FDA has not approved Prilosec or Pepcid for infants under one year of age. With that, her pediatrician won't give them to her (which makes sense, he's covering his ass). We have to wait to get into the GI clinic down at Vanderbilt. We're waiting right now.

The speech pathologist recommended a place here in town that had oral motor feeding therapy.

SIGN HER UP.

Aeva started therapy the next day. Since I wasn't waiting for the insurance company to kick in, we paid for it out of pocket.

This lady is totally worth it. She knows her shit.

She said nothing that I hadn't tried already, but for some reason, NOW it works.

Within 2 days, Aeva is already showing signs of improvement. She needs to get her reflux under control before it is fixed, but I'm atleast getting food into her. She dream eats fine, and she is improving, ever so slightly, about eating while awake, like a good baby girl.

Maybe once she starts eating correctly again, she'll go through a big growth spurt!!

**************************************************************************

We're going to visit Anthony in Arizona for Labor Day Weekend and his birthday. Aeva and I will be flying there for the weekend. YES, I am totally and completely nervous about the germs and people and ICK of airports, but I'm always armed with hand sanitizer and sanitizing wipes for whatever we touch. Aeva got the approval from the doctor to go...it's not flu season so she'll be okay. Also, there are no studies proving that the recycled air on aircraft allows for cold transmission.

Mommy gets a spa day: I'm so excited. I don't know what to be more excited about: the fact we get to see Anthony, or that I get an afternoon at the spa. :-)

NICU Developmental Follow-Up/6 months Old

So this has been a busy week for Aeva and I: There has been an appointment everyday!

Her 6 month well-baby appointment went okay. The doctor was out of her immunizations, so I have to get some paperwork and take her down to post to get them. Other than that, she was approved to go on a trip to go see her daddy! It's not flu season yet, so both the doctor and I are less nervous about it. Okay, I'm nervous about travelling with an infant!!

Her 6 month NICU DEvelopmental Follow Up went phenominally! They looked at her social, cognitive, and physical development. She scored well within the normal range that was expected for her, and she is at minimum, a 4 month old (which is a little over a week older than her adjusted age). One score even had her as a 6 month old!!! These scores are not indicitive of later development, but it's a good start!

The Speech Pathologist saw her too, and recommended a therapy place here in town to help Aeva with her oral aversion. Aeva has associated eating with the pain that is caused by her throwing up. She has a referral to the gastroenterologist to look at her throat and tummy. Hopefully we can get her better.

We're trying solids to introduce new textures to her for the sake of making eating a fun event, rather than scary. So far, she enjoys the cereal, and has fun playing with the spoon attempting to "help" me feed her. We play when we have spoon feeding time, and so far she's not opposed to being spoon fed. BOTTLES, on the other hand, are a wee bit more difficult to get her to take. Some days she's willing to eat with little persuasion, others, it's a battle that I have to have with a smile on my face. SO, therapy starts tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed this works.

I guess it all can't be perfect. Yes, I, Naomi, concede that not everything can be how I want it, and some things are out of my control. It is out of my control that she's growing slowly. She's eating as much as I can get into her and its enough she IS growing, just not as much as desired. She grew 2 inches in 2 months. She's fine. So she's skinny. Her dad's family is all small, she never had a chance of being big.

I guess I can only do so much.

11 lbs 5.8 oz, August 6.

23.5 inches long