Bad Mommy Moment

To begin with, I would like to say that I hate diaper bags. They are intrusions on life. Not only is it uncomfortable to carry a diaper bag (ours is in backpack form, thank heavens), but a ginormous purse, and baby in carseat, but they are rarely needed. WTF is the point.

My first bad mommy moment was earlier this summer when I ran out of diapers when I was at my mom's house. No worries.

Anthony always tells me that I should carry it because of the "what if" situations: WHAT IF she decides to have an explosive poop and it gets everywhere? WHAT IF she decides to start teething or get a fever and needs tylenol? WHAT IF, WHAT IF....WHAT IF.

Whatever, it won't happen. Yeah, f*&^ing right. Well it did.

I went to lunch with my mom this afternoon, and Aeva decided to poop. She's been pooping small smounts frequently, so I wasn't worried. Well, when lunch was over, I noticed a brown spot on my jeans...where she was sitting. I had just placed her into the carseat, so I looked. Lo and behold, there was poop coming out of one side of her diaper in the front region. I had to laugh. Great. Not only is it ON ME, but its ON HER.

Honestly, I was surprised. She hasn't had an explosive poop in a long, long time. I took her home (I also have this thing about changing in public places, they are gross), and changed her.

IT WASN'T AN EXPLOSIVE DIAPER!!! She just aimed her poop to the side. It was more like a diaper malfunction than it was a "Bad Mommy Moment," which makes me feel better.

Just thought you all would get a kick out of that.

Lessoned Learned.

Mommy: 0 Daddy and Aeva: 1

Family Pics

We decided that we needed family pics too. Aeva hasn't had any professional pics done, and she's 5 months old, and big enough now I don't mind pictures.

Daddy with his little girl

Wedding

The classic shot
I hear this belongs in a bridal magazine

Daddy and his little girl


Thought I'd post some pics from the formal wedding on July 3.

Dear Aeva

1) If you read this, please make an account so that you can "follow" the blog, and that I can see who is reading this or not. Thanks.

Dear Aeva,

This is going to be ridiculous to you when, and if, you read this when you are older. What teenage girl likes to read things her mother wrote to her when she was an infant? I hope you do. I heard a phrase on a lame TV show today, and I'm going to take it and do it my way, to you, my little girl.

When babies are born, we are amazed at their little feet, their little hands, and the little miracle that they are. Some babies come into this world under extraordinary circumstances, and make their presence known. You, my dearest little girl, are one of those babies. You came into this world under the most extraordinary, stressful, traumatic, sporadic...and loving...situations.

Being a baby concieved merely on love during your dad's mid-tour leave from his second tour in Iraq, you've been special from conception. You're our souvenier from Daddy's leave. We wanted nothing more than to have you.

When it was decided that you were to come into the world, it was again love that brought us all through. Your daddy was there for me in every way, and we hoped we could keep you inside just a little longer...we wanted you to be okay. Making an entrance, your presense inside of me was hurting me as much as your birth was about to. I felt terrible you were coming early. It took a very,very, very, very long time for me to come to terms with your early birth. When you read this, I'll probably still cry talking about your entrance into this world.

You didn't coming out kicking and screaming, rather, you came out blue (at least that's what I hear). You took your first breathe and made the cutest little sound....and that sound allowed me to breathe. The subsequent three months were the hardest things your father and I had had to go through in our lives.

You were so small...yet so strong. You've had a presense about you since birth. Such a strong little girl, and so totally my hero. You're asleep on my chest right now after finishing a bottle; you're 5 months old. So little, and such a big girl to us already, and you have no idea how much you have already gone through. You truly are my hero, Aeva.

I hope on these little feet that one day you will be able to stand on them alone, successfully, from the tools we have taught you.

I hope on your cute little baby tushy, that when you fall, you know we'll always be here to help you get back up.

I hope that your tummy's hunger is never sacrificed to fit into a pair of jeans...I hope that we give you a good sense of self and self esteem that you do not fall into the media's scheme of targeting young girls into thinking they need to be skinny.

I hope your heart is open to love, and to be loved. I hope that you notice the love your dad gives you and I, and take his example and apply it towards whom you should marry. Your daddy is the only man who will ever love you NO MATTER WHAT. He will always protect you, and you will always be HIS little girl. Accept nothing less from another man, than the standard of which your dad has created.

I hope these bright blue eyes are open to see the world. I hope they are accepting to other cultures, people, and see the good in people, and in the world.

I hope these ears are open to listen...to the sounds of nature...to the sounds of disparate opinions that you inevitably will hear throughout your life.

I hope your mouth with speak nothing of goodness, intelligent thoughts, and eloquence.

And I hope that this mind of yours is open to learning new things...every day. To be openminded about new ideas, new places, new people. I hope you read...travelling the world, space, and time.

Most importantly, I hope that we give you the tools to do this on your own. I hope we teach you to enjoy new places, and new people. To appreciate differing cultures, times, and places.

I hope you learn from the wisdom everyone in your life has to give you. I hope you learn discipline and self control. I hope you learn compassion towards those not as fortunate as you, and appreciation for all that we give you.I hope you learn patience and honesty.

I hope you realize that Daddy and I are the only ones, really, the only ones, who will be here for you no matter what you do, right or wrong. We will support you in all your endeavours, and help you acheive your dreams. Just remember that they are YOUR dreams.

The best things in life come in small packages, and my sweet little girl, you were once a tiny package. You may be small, but you made an entrance into the world with all eyes on you. Never let those eyes off you, and make every day the best that you can. Live your life how YOU want to live it.

Love,

Mommy

July Weight Check

Aeva went to the doctor yesterday for a weight check. She was 10lbs 9.2 oz, which is up 4 ounces from her Thursday appointment. Despite her formula embargo and constant fight of eating, she's still gaining. Awesome! AND, I've been letting her sleep a FULL night, of 7-8 hours. How badass is that?!! During the day I feed her between every 1.5-3 hours, dependant on how much she ate at her previous feeding.

Whatever works, ya know. As long as the food gets into her and she grows, it's all worth it.

I started another class last week, the Graduate Seminar in American History. This is my last required course, and I have one elective left to complete the coursework for my MA in American History. My professor had premature twin girls the DAY BEFORE Aeva was born. Hi babies were only in the NICU for like 3 weeks (lucky lucky lucky). They are about two pounds more than Aeva right now, but they were also almost 2 pounds more at birth. It's super cool to see that we are not the only crazy parents about germs...he and his wife are crazy about them too. Seriously, what about babies makes people think that it's okay to touch them? Do people not realize that babies will put their hands in their mouths after your grimey hands touch them? EW. Stay away from my baby you Wal-Mart shopping, baby touching, wierdo. lol

School is hard. I had started two courses, but dropped one because there just aren't enough hours in the day, and it would be unfair to Aeva to devote my time to school rather than her. So one class it is. Besides, there's no rush anymore to finish this year. I can't apply for a PhD program to start the 2010 school year since we don't know where we will be stationed then. May as well take my time and keep my GPA up (its a 3.81) and devote more time to Aeva.

Right now my school problem is not know who, what, or when, in American HIstory to write about for my term paper. I have a week and a half to determine this, and I don't know. I don't know if I can do ten pages of biographical information. It gets boring ,you know. Grr.

And my friend Nikki just mentioned that this one lady had a blog about the "bad side of motherhood" meaning the stuff no one tells you, and when it went public, she made money from it so she didn't have to work anymore. Nikki had the idea of me becoming the voice of mothers of premature infants, making this blog public for everyone and anyone to read. I'm all for it. It's not as though I say anything on here that is rocket science or the solution to world peace.

I think it would be fun. Does anyone know how to make a blog public?

Aeva Update

So Aeva and I ventured the 915 mile trek to Anthony's home state of New Jersey for Anthony and my formal wedding this past weekend. One day prior to departure, Aeva decided to boycott eating, and rather than eat her normal 5 oz every 3 hours, she went to 2 or 3 oz every 3 hours. This went on the entire time we were in Jersey, and I thought that maybe it was the stress of the wedding from me, and that the stress of being in a new place with a lot (a LOT) of people was too much for her to handle.

When we came home, I thought it would get better, and it started to look as though it would. Thursday she ate well all day, but then Friday morning, she started screaming bloody murder again and the sight of a bottle.

Teething? Perhaps.

I took her to the doctor this afternoon, and he examined her, finding nothing physically alarming. Teething is not out of the question, but doc said that it more than likely would not cause her to fuss so much when she ate.

Her weight is right on target, with her weighing in at 10lbs 5 oz. She's at the age now that she should only be gaining 1-1.5lbs a month. If she continued to gain 2lbs/month, then she'd be over 20lbs at a year old, which is entirely too much.

We have a weight check again on Tuesday to check and make sure her food embargo isn't affecting her growth.

Until then, it's just my sanity that is at a loss.

Atleast she's not sick, and is doing fine.